Monday, May 16, 2011


Although I would say that I turned out successful and full of determination, and that my situation.. well our situation.. was probably for the best, divorce in a family is probably one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. It will always affect me. My Dad always tells me to not dwell in the past, and I do believe I get my optimistic outlook on life from him. However, when dealing with a situation like divorce, it's hard to ultimately "get over it".

Now, I should start off saying that my parents were never actually married. There was an engagement, but that is as far as it went. My parents are two very different people with two very different outlooks on life. They both had different goals and different dreams. It was inevitable that things would never work out. But I tend to still call it a "divorce," because really, it still was a splitting of a couple once in love.

At a young age, I knew way too much about custody battles than any child should have ever known about.. really, no child should ever even know about it. I knew that mom had one house, and dad had another, and that mom had us on week days and dad had us on weekends.

In grade one, we used to sit around the chalk board with big fluffy pillows and share events with our fellow class mates. I remember that I used to always lie and say that my parents were finally going to get back together and get married. It breaks my heart to remember this deliberate lie.. or more so a dream. Here was a young girl, who's only wish in the world was to have a "normal" family.

Even today, at 22, I am still affected by this splitting. My mother is married to her husband, and my father is engaged and set to get married next year. My aching thought is always, "why couldn't they have been married." It always will be.

I have always promised myself that I will never do this to my own future children. Divorce really does have an impact on children and it forces them to grow up too fast at too young of an age. A child should not have to know that, "this is mom's house and this is dad's house." Children should not see their parents feuding over vacations and holidays, and have, in the end, them be divided between two families. Too much thought goes into what is best for the parents, instead of what should be the most important thought: what is best for the child.

This is a very hard topic for me to talk about. There is so much that I want to say, but I don't want to say too much. My parents are both wonderful people. They have both taught me lessons on their own that they couldn't have done together: My father has taught me how to stand up for myself, how to be giving without expecting anything in return, and how to properly deal with certain situations; my mother has taught me how to be a strong, independent woman, how to do things without being told, and how to be kind and loving.

I am fortunate to still have fond memories of when they still were happy and together. I remember several of our family camping trips, as well as frequent road trips. I can remember laughter and smiles and compromise. My youngest sister, however, is less fortunate in these memories, and I know that it truly saddens her. Something that I will always be grateful for, is that my Dad always had his video recorder attached to his hip. He would record everything. From time to time, I like to relive those memories and watch hours of footage. It makes me sad, and happy all at the same time.

My Dad once told me that a divorce or break up is almost like a death: we will always mourn the previous union. This statement has always been true to me, because honestly, divorce is like a death; divorce is a death of a bond between two people that, in most cases, will never reconnect.

My wish by telling this story, is that people will take this to heart. I hope that anyone facing a divorce or separation with children involved will remember what is most important: the children. Remember that we are the symbol of your love for one another, even if that love has vanished.

Until next time..

Sunday, May 15, 2011

For you, Mom

This post is a tad late; however, it's better than never.

My mom is one of the most strongest women I have ever known. In a house with three daughters, my mom did it all by herself. She was provider, comforter, teacher, and encourager - just to name a few. Life wasn't always roses and butterflies, but she made it work, and in the end I would say that she raised us all in the direct reflection of herself, and that makes for three wonderful women.

I admire my mom for several reasons. She worked shift work at the local mill, which consisted of her operating heavy machinery - a crane to be exact. She would wear her steel toed boots and green hard hat everyday. Something that always amazed me was that she would never sleep in on her days off, or even in between shifts.. there was just too much to do - pay bills, chop firewood, shovel the driveway, maintain a garden, mow the lawn, rake the leaves, clean the house, and run daily errands which would consist of checking the mail and grocery shopping. And even after all of this, she would still manage to make all the meals. Ohhh the meals! Mom never skimmed out on the yummness factor. She would make good old southern classic meals: fried chicken, shorthorns, soups, beans and cornbread, lasagna, hamburger casserole, the list goes on!

My mom is a man and a woman in one.. in a good way. She is strong when she needs to be, yet soft, caring and kind when we needed her. Our house was not always clean, but it was comfortable - it was a home. Mom is an avid antique collector.. and boy, do I mean AVID. Her house is creatively decorated from floor to ceiling with not an inch to spare. Everything could tell a story. Although the majority of the antiques came from yard sales, a lot were handed down to her from my great grandma - a diploma that hangs in the hallway, and my most favorite and treasured piece, a pink light fixture that lights my mom's room via dimmer switch.

Mom's style always makes me smile; she really is a romantic at heart. Her bathroom was designed to a T in lovely shades of pinks and greens - her two favorite colors. She accented it with porcelain angels and soft laces. And the focal point is her claw footed tub.. in no other color than pink! I should also mention that her house, built many, many years ago is also painted pink and surrounded by a white picket fence.

Even when mom would have to work the night shift at the mill, she would still take the time to do her hair and put on her makeup. She always looked beautiful, even if she was only rocking blue jeans and a red plaid coat with holes.. and she would always wear earrings, no matter what, whether it be simple studs or daring hoops - she always dressed for a purpose.

Growing up I did not notice what all this wonderful woman had done for us. This was our normal. I never knew what it was like to grow up in a two parent home with both parties contributing equally. And you know what? I would not have had it any other way. This wonderful woman taught me so many valuable lessons that I could not have learned if our situation would have been different. Thanks to her, I cannot only chop wood like a super woman, but I can think independently, cook up a storm, change a tire and love with all my heart. She gave so much for her three girls, and for that, I am forever grateful. My mom is hands down the best woman on this earth!

Love you! xx